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Star Trek Quarter 2: The Wrath Of Sim Reports.

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 Well…there goes another 3 months, and we’re still here. So let’s celebrate us beating the Vegas odd’s on 2020 being a total TPK by celebrating the awesome that is the 22nd Fleet Star Trek Division.

USS Copernicus, Prequel ToS Movie: The Oberth class Copernicus arrives in a previously surveyed star system to perform it’s assigned the function of a more detailed planetary survey. This second wave of exploration is the lifeblood of Starfleet, and even in the height of the Klingon/Federation Cold War. And when signs of life from a previous age are discovered, a mystery begins to unfold…

USS Odyessy, Current: The crew of the Odyssey is sent on a covert mission to locate and apprehend a Starfleet Intel officer who deserted with some of the most classified secrets Starfleet has. (Brownie recipes no doubt) But things aren’t always the way they seem and some secrets are meant to be spilt (As long as they are not cake brownies). The crew will learn a truth more deadly than ever and an enigma of treachery in silence awaits. (Oh god…are they sugar-free?!)

USS Dauntless, Current: The USS Dauntless is getting ready to make their first Slipstream jump.  This will be Starfleet’s trial run of the new drive, hopefully perfecting the work that the USS Voyager did in the Delta Quadrant.  The crew is coming aboard and getting the ship prepped for launch. And ignoring the perfectly good excuse to do science a solid. I don’t know why I put that there, just a note handed to me by a short anonymous lizard with a PowerPoint fixation. 

USS Black Hawk, Current: Ahh the good ship Book Report. Okay kids and kidets, buckle up and settle in for a work that even Tolkien would have called ‘excessive’. A long time ago, in a corner of the Gamma Quadrant where you’d not want to roll down your windows, there was a poorly mistreated starship…okay okay, I’ll be serious. So the highlights: overly dramatic crew, dropping out of warp to preform a wargame INSIDE an ion storm, overly literal AI has a HAL, something here about an explosive decompression event…huum…holodeck shenanigans. You know I thought they’d have patched that, maybe in Nova 3? Oh and there’s a ghost ship named after a Jeffery Combs character. But not a lot of deaths this time! Must have welded the airlocks shut to stop folks running away. Gold stars for the survivors.

USS Lexington, Prequel DSC: Sweet Prophets this report only fits on a single email. The remaining few who still believe in the dream of Starfleet follow a rumour that a long-missing starship might be hiding in an asteroid belt. But upon finding the nearly pristine USS Lexington, they find it already being picked over by a crew of Orions! Clearly the international space law of ‘Finders Keepers’ & ‘I have a gun!’ will be brought up in small claims Klingon court. In Judge Judy’s Court, it’s always a good day to die!

Vidal Fleet Yards, Current: It starts with a Wedding. Huh. I mean totally the wrong genre but is anyone else hearing the Rains Of Castamere? Is it just me? Just me then. Okay. On to the report! Huum children’s picnic, seems innocent enou…oh, no wait. ‘Ancient alien ruins’. Tick that off of the 2020 22nd Fleet Apocalypse Bingo Card. If you all hear me shout bingo and then leave the Discord, just…enjoying the next few seconds. Nothing to worry about. I mean it’s not like a stone shard taken as a trinket from a nice day might turn out to be a trojan horse for an alien presence to take over someone and harm others.

 I mean that’s totally what’s happening to VFY, but I assume some sort of comet or alien invasion will take out the 22nd Fleet. Maybe a troupe of Girl Scouts with thin mints. That square is yet unfilled. 

USS Triumphant, Current: The USS Triumphant find a race of sentient nanobots who have encountered a Borg Cube, and kicked it to the curb Samuel L Jackson Style. Of course, in doing so they take on board the SOLE BORG SURVIVOR. The Bear Grylls of Borg. Anyone want in on the action of what comes next? You betcha most of the crew get assimilated, but not just assimilated by regular Borg nanites, bit iBorg Nanites. The Commodore commanding the ship took the unprecedented step of abandoning ship to try and figure out what next to do. That single step alone means they should get given the Christopher Pike Medal.

Also due to a simple spelling error in the report, this picture will now forever hang around the neck of the USS Triumphant. You’re all welcome. 

Star Trek MASH, Current: With the arrival of Starfleet in Messier 4, Carcosia has been thrust into the Myriad’s view. After a Reka attack on a Carcosian settlement, the Sherman Potter is called in to help with the injured. There are a lot more in need of medical attention than was first reported, putting a strain on the ship’s facilities. I mean I don’t know what they are complaining about, I had all the writers signing the release forms about injuries and damages…

Memory Theta, Current: A cult of eco-terrorists. An ancient alien AI buried under the surface of Venus. Chaos in the cloud tops. But the key plot point to focus on is the former commanding officer of Starfleet’s very own Double Top Secret Self Storage Depot got laid off and went on a bender. I mean yes you could say I need to focus on the ‘widespread panic’ and the ‘havoc to Starfleet’s infrastructure’ and ‘Where did Stardock One go to’?

 Paris. It went to Paris. I say nothing more. 

USS Medea, Current: The dangers of jumping on the update train to early. The USS Medea is experiencing a cascading abundance of minor malfunctions. From random music playing over the bridge speakers to replicators replicating endless spaghetti to sonic showers cleaning out peoples ear drums explosively. See this is why you use early adopters like canaries in a coal mine: if the warp core breaches on the latest LCAR’s patch, then you know you should probably wait for a hotfix.

Star Trek Peregrine. Current: Enter The Black Nagus! Who is the Black Nagus? What is the Black Nagus? Does he sell things on etsy? Who knows. Who can tell us? Star Trek Peregrine can. Following a traitorous attack upon the Peregrine Commission, the command team try to hunt down a traitor within their own ranks helping to facilitate chaos in the name of The Black Nagus!!

USS Taniwha, Prequel DS9: I mean,,, its sort of idyllic. People on shore leave, improving their relationships, getting up to innocent shenanigans that do not threaten the space-time continuum. Its like the ASMR Podcast of sims, soothing to read, and relaxing to write on. 

I have 5-1 odd’s something terrible is going to happen. Any takers?

Antares NX-11, Prequel Ent/Alt: Another shore leave plotline. The NX-11 returns from a year of exploration to get its 10’000 light year service and headlight fluid change. During this time the crew relax and find out their ship is getting refitted with a modular module to become a Rescue ship. So…its becoming a Coast Gaurd ship? Good to know that 😉

Starbase 400, Current/Alt: …There is a lot to unpack in this report. I mean A LOT. But then again what can we expect for a sim legal able to buy beer across the world? Starfleet recaptures Starbase 400, a Tholian artefact is found, the Cardassin’s do the sneak fleet shuffle because of reasons. The Starbase 400 report paragraph would need to be a report all by itself to get in all the juicy details. 

Canopus Station, Current: The visiting Myriad Haztor offers the Federation Station the chance to sit on a peace conference so that the Myriad can show their Federation neighbours their management of worlds is for their client’s benefit.

 Meanwhile, an accident of luck that took two engineers to a Myriad ship might have backfired. As a gristly murder is discovered, and chaos abounds within the halls of Canopus Station, what other dangers lurk in the gift horse of the Myriad?

USS Traveller, Current: The Traveller arrives on the outskirts of a solar system deep in Myriad space, ready to make contact with a potential ally species. But before entering the system they stumble across a long-dormant starship, perfectly camouflaged against the ice comet it is moored to.

 A new friend, or a new danger? (I’ll give you a hint as to what it is)]

USS Apollo, Current: This plot see’s the death of the USS Excalibur and its rebirth in the fires of resurrection as the USS Apollo. And won’t the old CO of the Excalibur get a surprise when he finds Starfleet has assigned him the same band of misfits as before to pad out his crew? See, the Apollo could take a note out of the Black Hawks book and crash. That solves a lot of personnel issues. 

USS Aquarius, Current Alt: The crew of the USS Aquarius, a ship usually docked to the underside of the much larger Odyessy Class starship, is now being assigned to the Romulan Neutral Zone as part of the border patrol force. Of course with the Romulan Empire imploding under the Hobus Diaspora and various infightings, I am sure their tour along the border region will be uneventful.

USS Altai, Current: The crew are stalked by a near-silent native species, as the upper hand of Starfleet technology is disabled by the planets dampening field. This might be the TPK express or Starfleet’s hottest new reality holodrama. Either way, I’m glued to my seat. 

And thus ends the rundown of the 22nd Fleet Star Trek Division Report! We have had a hell of a quarter, and by that, I mean some great and enthusiastic storytelling. Not…ya know…real life. Which has been just a barrel of monkeys. But not the plastic monkeys. Like the ebola monkeys from that Hoffman film.  

 So in closing, I want to get a little serious, a little less like Sjet and little more like the guy behind Sjet. Life beyond our little community has been stressful beyond measure for lots of us, and add into the fact we’re still going through the viral pandemic chapter of the Idiots Guide To World Ending, just goes to show one thing: we are tough hombres. Anyone of a dozen headlines from the last three months could have been taken from a Hollywood script house, and gues what we’re still kicking.

 You are all awesome. Every single one of you-…well not you. Or…lets see, you, or you, and yes I can see you’re hand waving at the back there. 

 Apart from those jokers, you lot are okay in my book! Keep on Trekking!